for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
