He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
