I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
