In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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