i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
