dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
