Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
