i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
