Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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