I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
