On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
