I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He felt like a one man threesome
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
