I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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