I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
