You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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