we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
