take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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