Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
