thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
