Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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