meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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