Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Damn victory sex feels great
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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