I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know her cup size but not her name....
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