I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
