i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
