i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
