Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
