you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
