are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
