I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
