I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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