Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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