If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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