There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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