I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
