Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your cock deserves a montage
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
