apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
