Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i need to put some appletini on your dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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