sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
