u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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