that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
