I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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