11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
