we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
