he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
