The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
