Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
