I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
