I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
