I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
