ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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