she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
