I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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