I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
