OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
