the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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